The Non-Valentine’s Day Valentine’s Day

This is my first Valentine’s Day without a Valentine in about ten years. Which may seemed fucked up to the naked eye, but because I’m trying to live my ‘new and improved’ life as an Optimistic Sally, I’ve come to terms with my current situation.

I’m divorced. Single. I ain’t got no man. Or woman. Except for my friends, but that doesn’t count. I had a few suitors, but they got swerved and didn’t make the cut. Which again, makes me very single. I’m not bitter, though, I solemenly swear it.  

I won’t be getting any flowers.

I won’t be getting one of those cheap little bears with the heart in the middle that says ‘I LOVE You” that was made in China.

No romantic dinners at the local Coney Island.

Jewelry. Nope. Hotel. Nope. Sweet nothings. NOPE. How bout dah?

Turban: Flossy's Suitcase + Faux Fur/Pant: Forever 21 + Long Sleeve: Rainbow Shops + Booties: Pay-Less Shoe Source + Shades: Alley and Eye

All this in theory sounds great, until my timeline starts getting flooded with ‘happy couple’ selfies and photos of bouquets of roses. What is a single girl to do? Well, if you’re like me you can totally stay off the internet for that entire day. But because we are lurkers, we won’t. Which is fine. At least you’ve admitted it.

Valentine’s Day isn’t really the issue here. It’s the stereotypes of being single that irks me. If you aint got a man then what are you doing with your life? If you don’t have a bae to cuddle up with at the end of a long day then you must be unhappy, desperate, undesirable. The only goal in life is to marry, have kids, get cheated on, then ultimately be single anyway! So, why not just start now? LOL. And, I’m not saying that being single is the way to go for every person, because we all have that friend who just has to have a man or she feels incomplete.

But isn’t that a sad existence? If you need another person to make you feel whole. Shouldn’t that be something that you should be working on within yourself? With these types of situations of heavy co-dependency, I notice that the co-dependent person always get the short end of the stick in the relationship. They usually do anything to keep that other person around. They ended getting mistreated by their significant other because they know that they need them in order to thrive.

I, for one, neeeeever want another person to feel like I need them or I’d just crumble into nothingness. No, sir. You aren’t about to have that much power over me. I hold my own power. Boom!

Whether you’re married or not, you need to be OK with being by yourself. And I’m not saying shut everyone out and become a recluse, I’m saying that there is usually too much noise going on and you need to have quiet, self-reflective time for you and only you. Whether it’s five minutes a day or for a month trip overseas. You-time is good for the soul. It regenerates your ummph. Puts a pep in your step. And allows you to think more openly and freely.

Do you know how much I learned about myself by doing things alone? I’ve traveled alone and learned that I’m able to hold my own in hectic situations. I’ve gone to the movies alone and figured out that I didn’t look weird by doing it, and I really enjoyed not talking throughout the film. I’ve gone to an opera alone, I’ve had coffee and alone and read a book, I’ve been to networking events alone and was made to feel like an outsider because I hadn’t come with anyone. You win some. You lose some, but it’s a very cool experience to be ok with yourself. You don’t always have to depend on another person to dictate whether you have fun or not or are able to experience the fullness of that activity.

So, Leah V. what are you doing for V-Day? Well, if you must know. I’ll be on my first “Eat. Pray. Love.” trip to London. This is my first time overseas without my ex. It’s very bittersweet. I want to prove to myself that I can and I will. And, I’m so hardcore that I’m not even going with a friend. Yeah, they’re still hurt by it, but this is my journey that I have to take alone. I want to explore the culture without bounds, I want to get lost on the ‘tube’, and party with the locals. I want to take a train to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower and take one of those very touristy photos in front of it. I want to eat good food and take cabs to nowhere. I want to take weird selfies and visit the Royal Palace.

And, that’s what I plan to do.

But, if you’re not planning on taking a trip or don’t have a bae, it’s all good. I want you to get dressed anyway, put on some falsies, go buy an expensive yet not-expensive matte lippie, and be your own bae. Make a fancy reservation at a posh restaurant with some girlfriends and have a photoshoot in the bathroom. Post it on social media so everyone with a man can be jealous that you’re having soooo much fun basking in the glow of your single-dom!

As always, you know I have to give you the word with a dose of V-Day outfit inspirations.         

Xoxo,

Leah V. 

Taking Back the True Meaning of Beauty

Leah V. opens up about how she became a blogger, representation in mainstream media, and redefining beauty standards.

IG: Lvernon2000

New Year, New Me?

New year, new me? Maybe. Maybe not. I can dig the saying, to an extent. Some people want to do better, be a different person, emerge from a butterfly cocoon at midnight, but a date on a calendar isn’t going to propel you into greatness. It can be a push in the right direction, though.

Trust me, I get it. 2016 has been a year of revelation. And I use the word, revelation, because I keep seeing all these posts about how much 2016 sucked. I don’t know how to feel about that. I mean, did it have sucky moments? Yeah. Which year didn’t? But with those suck-ass moments, truths were revealed. We got to see what we were really made of when these calamities struck. Ain’t that worth something? To see how that arrow flew right at you and how you soared over that bitch. The arrow might’ve hit your mom in the arm, but hey, you can’t have it all.

2016. The year of revelation. For me, personally, I had no idea, clue, whatever that the year would be the way it was.  

I remember at the end of 2015, I had a plan for the 2016 takeover. The plan was to grind with my blogging. Turn it into a business. To work on my book and get it in the best shape possible so that I could land an agent and get it published. Finally start my career. To have better opportunities for my husband and I. I was 28, and at 30, I told him I was kinda, sorta ready to be a mother. And as long as he helped me with the little rug rat, then I’d do it. Finally. Although, I never wanted kids, I was going to do it for him. He’d waited this long. He deserved it.

Life had another plan…

I relaunched my blog and that took about two months, but I was happy with the results. With the rebranding, I was going to be more real, more lifestyle. Less blogger-y. People started to dig the new layout, and I started getting a lot of publicity. The money was going to start rolling in so the financial stress would be alleviated from him. Unfortunately, no money came. I was working for free. Started working for Muslimgirl and got some more publicity. As I blew up in my creative field, attention-wise, my relationship went downhill. I found out he was dating some girl from his job. That killed me. But I kept it between family and close friends. I still blogged. Keeping up a façade of okay-ness. We got therapy. I forgave him. New beginnings, right? Wrong.  

During this time of discovery, I asked myself a question. And, it really just came out of nowhere. Would you choose your career over your relationship? I was never able to answer the question because I could do it all, I could have it all.

When he’d say weird things about my accomplishments and how I wasn’t enough, the question always came up. Still, I never answered it. I was in denial.

More shit hit the fan with his infidelity. The blaming. The yelling. The resentment.

Still, I stayed. Trying to salvage the broken pieces.

During our divorce, I went through a lot of mental abuse. He said some really nasty things to me. I threw myself more into blogging, modeling, and other creative projects. I hired an editor to help me with my indie novel. I didn’t process the divorce thoroughly. Didn’t have time to. And that was ok with me.

I had no idea that in the beginning of 2016, that I’d be single by the end of the year. That I’d have to fend for myself. That I’d lose my mother to mental illness. That I’d lose friends to jealousy. But even with those revelations, I had gains that were equally amazing. I also had no idea that I’d become stronger by going to the gym regularly, that I’d be a staff writer, that I’d have dozens of features, or that I’d publish a book, or that I’d graduate from having five years of extensive therapy or that I’d be living on my own and be blessed to pay my own damn phone bill without him (because he said that I couldn’t).

It was revealed to me this year that I was much stronger than I ever thought I was. Because failing at an nine-year marriage made me feel so weak. So low. I questioned myself at every turn. Why this and why that? If you had only done such and such then you wouldn’t be undesirable, single, divorced. So, no, I don’t agree with anyone that 2016 was shit. It was THE SHIT! Because we are still here, still standing and living. Still able to grow, be hurt, and bounce back.

Because I’m corny, I have a few things that I want to leave with you for the new year. And a few tips to make sure it kinda goes smoothly. Note: I’m also going to practice what I preach as well.  

Drop the Duds:

Stop allowing people to enter and take space in your life that have no substance or value. I see this waaaaaaay too much, especially with girls. Got a fuck boy that’s been hanging on by the pinky cuticle? Drop him. Got a frenemy who always got some smack to talk when you’ve “blessed up”? Drop her. Got an evil cat that scratches and hisses at you even though you feed it premium cat food? Drop it off at the Humane Society. Just kidding. Or am I?

The point is, we don’t want to make people angry or uncomfortable. We don’t want to burn bridges. Right? Fuck those bridges. They have no problem with draining your energy, making you feel low, creating issues for you. So, if the bad outweighs the good then you may have to drop em. Sorry. You are the weakest link. Buh bye.

Stop Lying to Yourself… And Others

Are you the Facebook friend who boasts about who they are cutting off in 2017? The one who says they are going to hit the gym but then falls off once spring hits? Stop lying. Little secret here, everyone knows your full of it so just don’t. If you have no intention of doing something for yourself or others keep your mouth shut. Be truthful. You know your capabilities for the most part. If your goal is to save money, then you actually have to have a plan and implement it. Out of each check, I’m going to save 50 bucks. Boom! I call this the plan and do method. Too many people talk but don’t back it up. Write it down. Consult with others about how you should go about your goal. Research. Do it. If it fails, go through all the steps again and tweak where necessary.

Get the ‘F’ Out of Your Comfort Zone

Growth is necessary, and it’s uncomfortable. You can try to avoid if you want, but you will always be thrown a curveball. Facts. So, why not semi-prepare yourself. The more fluid you are the less force the hit will have.

For example, I hated going to events by myself because I didn’t like being the awkward girl standing alone watching other people mingle. What if I said something stupid? What if I got rejected? I had to ask myself: what’s the point of going to events anyway? Well, I want to connect with others and build my brand. If no one knows about you then how will you grow your brand? Know what I did? I forced myself to go to events. Alone. Although very painful and awkward, I set a goal. Talk to five people and then you can leave. Once, I got to talking and figuring out that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it got easier each time.   

In conclusion, what I want for all of you (the fantastic readers) is the feeling of rejuvenation for the new year. You don’t have to make a complete 180, but start thinking about it. Think about some goals you didn’t get to start or finish last year. Think about the relationships you keep and how that affects you: good or bad. Think about leaping into some shit that’s super cool, that you never thought of doing before. We don’t know when our last day is up. So, let’s go into 2017 making the most of our 364 days. 

xoxo

Leah V. 

Vulnerability Doesn’t Mean Weakness

I’m an extreme thinker, which comes mostly from my personality disorder. Or so I’ve been told by a mental health professional a few years back. No, I’m kidding. I really do have a personality disorder. Sounds a lot harsher than it really is. Kinda. LOL. Anyway, when an individual thinks in ‘extreme’ terms it usually means that they see the world in black and white. It’s either this or that. There is no middle ground, no in between or gray areas. Of course, that’s a skewed way of thinking, right? There is always an exception to the rule. Especially when we are dealing with the complexities of a human mind.

Vulnerability. The word scared the fuck out of me growing up. I’d witnessed acts of vulnerability in women and seen people get chewed up, mistreated, and tossed out like waste. Vulnerability equated weakness to me. And that learned behavior was a fact in my world. So, I stuck with it. And vowed to never be vulnerable. To never show more emotion than I should. To listen more than I spoke. To always have a one-up on anyone who wanted to fraternize with me.

Emotions. Eww. I’d cry in secret, burying my face deep down in the pillow to ensure that no one would discover my ‘soft’ core. Hugs used to make me feel weird. I’d stand there like a log until they stopped. A few of my family members nicknamed me ‘robot’. I thought it was pretty funny until I got into therapy and she started to unpeel the layers…

Publicly, I’d mask sadness and grief with anger and aggression. Always ending up in a verbal, and on a few occasions, physical outbursts. One time, one of my verbal altercations turned into a physical one. And I ended up in jail for the night. After I was released, I went to my therapist.

“Why are you so angry?” she asked with a straight face.

I hunched my shoulders. Still very much so mad that I’d embarrassed myself and gone to jail in the first place.

She asked again, this time more stern. And, I had a hunch that she’d keep asking until I gave her something.

“Because, I’m a villain and villains are always angry,” I said with a smile.

She chuckled. “How are you a villain?”

I sat up straight. “Villains don’t have emotions. Just like me.”

Her eyes shifted. “You must not be human because I’ve never met a human without emotion”

“Well, my family does call me a robot.”

“You do have emotions,” she concluded. “And you’re certainly not a villain.”

I rolled my eyes. “If I do have them they are completely under control.”

“Under control?”

I nodded.

“So much so that you just got arrested for domestic violence?”

My lips pressed together and she continued, “You’re always angry because your masking your emotions with aggression. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok feel grief or fear. These are healthy emotions to experience.”

“Stuff like that is for soft people. People who don’t have a backbone. People who get trampled on. I won’t let anyone step all over me. Not happening.” I crossed my arms over my chest like a two-year-old.

“Who ever said that being less angry, vulnerable, and more open made you ‘soft’ or weak?” She explained, “There is a middle ground here. We’ve just got to find one for you.”

During this time, I was very hard-headed. I listened to her to an extent, which led me to keep bumping my head against the wall. Each time, I’d go back to her and explain my outbursts and she’d reiterate the same facts with patience, over and over again. It was ok to be vulnerable. It was ok to show emotions. Emotions didn’t mean that you were weak. She told me that I wasn’t weak. That I was the strongest person she’d ever met. I cried in front of her. She asked me how I felt about that. I told her that I hated crying in front of people and that it made me feel vulnerable. She said, good.

It took me some time to get over it. Well, not really get over it. But to sway my way of thinking about vulnerability as a fat, black, Muslim woman in the united states. How the act works with me or against me as an artist and as a budding business-lady.

In addition to the therapy, blogging and modeling has really helped me break out of the box I’d placed myself in. I find myself the most vulnerable when I’m adding content to my captions or writing an essay about how an event in my childhood unfolded or how experiencing an emotion made me feel. I feel much freer, lighter. More real. Much more like myself. A human being. And that’s pretty cool. I’m less aggressive, less angry. Don’t get me wrong being vulnerable with our emotions isn’t all lollipops and gravy, and you’ll get those jerks that will take advantage, but that doesn’t even add up to the benefits you’ll gain by being your true self. 

xoxo

Leah V. 

How to Wrap a Pin Turban

Leah V. shows you how to wrap an easy pin turban with a Kermit the Frog colored scarf. 

And don't forget to follow her on IG: @Lvernon2000

A Look Into How We View Mental Illness

It’s cold in Michigan. Dreary. Things are dying. Morale is at an all-time low for a lot of individuals during the fall/winter months. Lack of sunlight. Holiday woes. It’s super brisk and your usual cuddle buddy is being a fuckboy and not answering your texts. Yeah, I get it. It’s not the most wonderful time of the year so says the holiday songs on the radio. 

I’ve been in my ‘mood’ lately. When, I say ‘mood’ it’s code for mental lapses, anxiety, depression, or all three. Depends on the day or days. And I really hate when I get into these ‘moods’ because I know that I’m feeling these emotions or I’m being a certain way and for the most part, I have no idea why. It can strike at any moment. Even when life seems to be ok or running smoothly. Then I begin to feel ‘ungrateful’ because I’m feeling like shit when life dictates that it could be a lot worse.

Oh, isn’t life full of contradictions.

I understand that these ‘moods’ are either triggered by some kind of hormonal imbalance, or a word, a face, or even a song which jolts you back into some repressed traumatic moment which leads to these negative emotions.

But meanwhile, while people are telling you how ‘crazy’ you are for even showing any signs of distress in life, you are feeling like a trapped bat ramming its little bat face into a glass window.

If you were a better Muslim, you wouldn’t have those sorts of problems. Take it to the rug. Oh, you’ll be ok, just remind yourself of the people who have it way worse than you. Yes, when someone reaches out to you about not being right in the head or not feeling well mentally, please continue to pour icing over shit and not deal with the issues head on.

Do you know how many times I’ve reached out just to be called crazy or told to suck it up? Do you know how many times I’ve been made out to be a jerk because of misplaced emotions? Do you know how it feels to have the outside not match the inside, how confusing that is?

I’ve always had ‘issues’ growing up but was too afraid to tell anyone. When I got to college, the emotions started bubbling over. I was aggressive, sporadic, and in denial. I’d have these breakdowns, privately, and withdrew from other humans. I didn’t have drugs or alcohol to soothe my problems so my outlet became fighting.

I graduated college at twenty years old with a business degree. I got married two weeks after that. More mental issues came to play. Aggression on top of aggression. The police were even called on me a few times. I didn’t go to jail. Not yet anyway. I hit rock bottom. I had no one. No family support. My ex had left. And my friends wanted nothing to do with me or didn’t know how to assist. I was alone.

I remember lying on the beach, tears streaming down my face on the phone with my mother. “I’m going to admit myself to the hospital,” I said. “I can’t live like this anymore.”

She tried to console me. Tell me what I should do. She apologized for not catching my issues earlier. But it was a little too late. I was floating beneath the clouds. Watching my life unfold in a painful, slow motion.

I decided that before I admitted myself, that I deserved at least one more chance. I was going to seek out a therapist. I found one at this little Muslim family services place in Detroit. The female counselor was a hijabi. She was Somali. She was the hand that pulled me out of the darkness. That’s all I needed at the time. I went in twice a week. I cried. We talked. I wasn’t eating. She told me to eat colorful fruits and vegetables. She told me to make small goals for myself. She even gave me her personal number when I felt down. To this day, I see her around the mosque sometimes. I don’t think she understands how much I needed her. How much she helped me.

To talk about mental illness in Islam or to even admit it, I think are very hush-hush. Like a lot of issues in our communities. I see some strides being made to make it more accessible, less judgy, but we have some ways to go.

After five years of extensive therapy, and after hiding it for so long, I am very much so open about it. Why should I keep it quiet? Because I’m Muslim? Because I’m a black superhero? Because I’m a blogger that posts cute pics on Instagram and my life is so fuckin perfect?

When, I go through my ‘moods’, I sometimes share it on Facebook. Not to get pity or to get likes. I share it because of the Muslim girls and women who inbox me, secretly, telling me that they too have the same issues and can’t admit it in fear that their community ‘wouldn’t understand’ or they’d experience ‘backlash or jeers’. But even though they are not at the point where they can openly seek help or be honest about it, they have me. Someone they know who has and is going through the same outbursts. The same feeling of worthlessness. The same anxiety attacks.

Just like the Somali counselor reached her hand out and pulled me back into some light, by sharing my life, my triumphs, and downfalls, I want to do the same for others. I want to be that hand that reaches out. And I want others to do the same. If you see it, you have a duty to help. Listen. Provide a safe space for them to breathe. A hug. Giving non-judgmental advice. It’s the little things that count. Those little acts of kindness that could make someone’s day and be the difference between them stepping into the light or withdrawing into the darkness.

xoxo

Leah V.  

*New Youtube Video* Leah V. Gets a Brazilian

It's been a hot minute since, I've done a video. But, I'm kinda, sorta back. We'll see how it goes! Haha. But today, I'll be talking about Brazilian waxing. And my oh-so-crazy experience. Enjoy and let me know what your thoughts are on the video!

xoxo

Leah V.

Style: First Time Wearing A Bisht

In Westernized fashion, they tend to believe that the clothes must accentuate the female body, hug her curves delicately. And of course, I thought the same way. If it didn’t have a shape, then I wasn’t touching it. I was already plus-size; I’d look like a garbage bag for sure.

Since I became a style blogger, I’ve been a lot more ‘out there’ with my fashion choices. I like to up the risk and try new things. Also, I’m waaaaay more comfortable with my body now, so anything goes!

It was the last week in Ramadan. My friends from Yemen invited us to a feast fit for a king, and to top it off, they had the hookahs in rotation. I thought that the night couldn’t get any better. One of the Yemini women had a wide set of hips, small waist, and petite chest. Similar to my body type. Between puffs of smoke, we chatted about shopping and how hard it was to find fashionable items for us ‘hippy’ gals.

Her eyes widened. “I have something for you,” she said and disappeared into the back room.

She brought out a black and gold embroidered bisht. It’s like an oversized abaya. I’m not sure where it’s origins are in the Middle East but trying it on felt like I had instantly turned into Arab royalty. I paraded around her living room, gushing about how beautiful it was. I finally took it off and placed it back on the hanger. I handed it to her.

She put her hand up and shook her head. “It’s yours.”

I died.

A happy yet fashionable death.

Xoxo

Leah V.

The ‘F’ Word: FAT

At Buffalo Wild Wings, I ordered lots of food. Hey, I was super hungry. Plus, I have a tendency to order too much then complain about being too full halfway in. Yes, annoying. I know. I’m working on my indecisiveness.  

Anyhow, after the waiter leaves, I said to my guy friend playfully, “OMG. I’ve ordered half the menu. I’m soooo fat.”

His eyes swelled with fear then shock. If he had pearls, he probably would’ve clutched them.

At first, I thought I had lipstick on my teeth. “What?” I croaked.

“You. Are. Not. FAT!”

I rolled my eyes. “Boy, bye. I am fat.”

“No.” He shook his head. “You are curvy. Trust me, I know fat. You’re just thick.”

“I’m fat. I’m obese. I’m overweight. It’s fine.”

What was interesting was that the ‘F’ word for him was so negative, so vile that he couldn’t possibly equate that nasty attribute to me. He got an A for effort though. Haha. But like him, so many other men and women avoid the word ‘fat’ or if they do use it, it’s become one of the main cuss words.

I’m not even going to lie. In my adolescence and early 20’s, I was once one of those people that if someone called me fat, I’d melt and dissolve into the wind. No coming back from it. I’d go over it a million times in my head. Fat. Fattie. You’re FAT! Why the fuck are you still fat? Be skinny. Skinny is better. Skinny is acceptable. You will be great when you are skinny.

Funny thing is that when I did have an eating disorder and got ‘skinny’, I was the unhappiest I’d ever been in life. But, everyone else seemed to dote on the fact that I’d lost so much weight so fast and blah, blah, blah.

Why do we glorify thinness but bash fatness? And I know the internet trolls with their Google degrees are going to come out of their troll lairs with the following argument: fat acceptance glorifies obesity and health problems.  

Firstly, I welcome them with the real ‘F’ word. After that, my rebuttal consists of not only fat people have health issues. I’ve been fat mostly all of my life, and I’ve had no major health problems. I have fat and skinny friends with health issues. Good or bad health doesn’t discriminate like we do. And if I did have bad health from being fat, that still has nothing to do with you because you aren’t me nor do you pay my medical bills.

Back to our scheduled program…  

So why am I talking about this? In an interview, I was asked about the word ‘fat’. Why is it such a negative word? Why do most girls and women cringe and melt when they are called it? And most importantly, when I decided to reclaim it.

I reclaimed the word when I started having open conversations about body acceptance with other body positive activists in the community. The conversations were real and enlightening. These women (and men) were not only fat but they were other things, too. They were fat and business savvy. They were fat and confident. They were fat and stylish. They were fat and athletic. They were fat and sexual.

They smashed the fat stereotypes in half and I set out to do the same.

Let’s say this at least eight times: Fat isn’t a bad word. Stop making it that way. It’s starts with you. It’s an adjective, people. Just like any other adjective. Sometimes, we’ve got to take a look at ourselves and stop being so freakin’ sensitive. So what if your boyfriend calls you fat. Do what I do and say, “Yes, I know. Anything else you want to point out Captain Obvious?”

If you are obese, overweight, curvy, or thick, 9 times out of 10 you are probably fat. And that’s ok. And if it’s not ok, then change it. Simple as that. But let’s not wallow in the fact that our bodies are shaped differently or the scale gives us a number that isn’t ‘acceptable’ to society’s standards.

Why not start living right now? Don’t let a couple pounds deter you from enjoying what life has to offer. Your body is good so be good to your body.

You’ve only got one.

xoxo

@Lvernon2000

Body Image: How to Get Over It

You can’t. Not ever fully.

Life is full of ups and downs when it comes to how we, as women, perceive ourselves.

The most bomb-looking girl has body image issues. Whether she divulges it or not.

And a lot of people won’t.

We keep our “problem” areas to ourselves. So we don’t look weak. Dumb. Low self-esteem. Whatever.

Photo: Lil Miss JB Style

I’m a body positive style blogger. If you look at my Instagram you’ll see my face beat, ensembles on point, and turbans wrapped to perfection.

To the naked eye, I look like I have it going on! Not one worry in my little world of fabulosity.

What people didn’t see was that a few days ago, I had a breakdown. And thought I was the ugliest thing to ever walk the earth.

Today, I’m back on track. A little.

But this week has been tough for my own body image. Self-esteem. Morale. Etc.

Next week will probably be much better, Insh’allah.

And this is OK!

Tulle Skirt: Society + (Purchase Here)

The problem with society is that they believe that girls, women should be confident, at the top of their games, and oh-so-perfect at all times.

Unrealistic.

We are hairy. We burp. We hate our bodies. We love our bodies. We cover them. Some of us don’t. We love. We shout. And some of us are more of a man than an actual man. LOL.

Body image is how we view ourselves regularly.

And sometimes, they can be totally extreme.

But I just want you to know that however you view yourself is OK.

You are allowed to just BE.

Photo: Lil Miss JB Style

I will leave you with one thing, because I’m feeling extremely 70’s hippy right now.

You are gorgeous. You’re smart. And you have a wonderful smile that illuminates even the darkest of nights.

I want you to find something you adore about yourself. Then say it out loud. At least three times. And mean it! Then I want you to find something you love about another girl and tell her, out loud!

XOXO

Leah V.

Why I Decided to Become a Plus-Size Model

In this day and age, everybody and their mamas are ‘models’. Thanks social media! Everyone is a CEO of their own one-man company. Everyone is a fashion blogger. Everyone is a comedian or an actor. Or an influencer. And in no way am I throwing shade, but it’s real. And I tell it like it is. This is what I see, every day, all the time.

I am so grateful for social media, because it gave the thriving artist—who wouldn’t ever be considered by mainstream companies—the channel to build a following and show their value in a completely different way.

Frankly, without social media I’d have never made it this far in my blogging career or met the amazing people I’ve met. So, big-ups to Instagram and Facebook!  

So when I started blogging in 2013, I was very, very reluctant to call myself a plus-size model (and sometimes, I still am). Because I wasn’t. I wasn’t signed to an agency nor was I a professional in any way, shape, or form. Then there’s the dreaded stigmas attached to being a model…

Photo: Remy Roman

At shows, people would be like: Oh, you model?

I’d reply: No, no, no. I’m just a blogger who happens to take decent photos. *Laughs nervously*

Even on my worst days, I’d always get the compliment: You are so photogenic.

I’d grimace and be like, umm, do you see my jacked up teeth and round, fat body! I’d think in my head, what are they talking about and that they were probably just trying to be nice.

Fast forward. I went through eating disorders, self-loathing, negative, nasty thoughts about myself and my worth. The people around me started to flee. I hit rock bottom and had no support. The last straw was pulled and I got some mental therapy. Five years’ worth to be exact! Best five years of my life. Therapy allows you to look within and to stop covering shit with icing. The layers started to unravel. And a new-ish me emerged. I mean, she wasn’t perfect but she was a lot better than the old version.

I began to see the beauty in others and within myself. I know, I know. This sounds corny. But I literally hated everyone. And I hated myself. No one knew. But it’s the truth. I was uncomfortable in my very own skin. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

Photo: Brad Ziegler

I set up two photoshoots for myself. Funding the whole thing from makeup to wardrobe. Planning them was stressful yet exhilarating. Then I had my face on, my ensemble was snatched, my turban was on decent. I was nervous. Very nervous. And the camera started to flash and I just gave in. The photographer was like yassssssss. I was like ayeeeeeee.

Then other photographers and businesses started to approach me and ask me to model their clothes, makeup, and accessories.

Now I claim with proudness that I’m an indie plus-size, African-American, Muslim model. And with that said, modeling is about expression and story-telling. A lot of bloggers and models are about that paycheck and popularity. Not all. Some. In the beginning, I did like the exposure and being ‘known’ was cool, but then I started getting these sincere messages from men and women and I paused.

So every time, I do a shoot or a campaign it’s gotta have something the viewer can take from it. That’s why I’m very heavy on the content that I mix with my photos. If you, as a reader, don’t take anything from my words, then I’ve failed. If you look at my photo and don’t feel some kind of emotion, then I’ve failed.

And failing aint ever an option.

xoxo

Leah V.

BTS: Brad doing the dang thing!

More BTS. And it was a scorcher that day!

Confessions of a Content Fat Girl: Late 20’s Reflections

*Covers face* I’ve totally neglected my blog for the past few weeks. I’M SORRY. No, I really am. It’s almost midnight and here I am blogging. Today has been super humid, I’ve been groggy, and I’m looking for a new place. Packing. Throwing away crap I don’t need. And selling the rest. Ugggh!

I hope you guys understand. Life has been a loop but amazing nonetheless. And guess what else? My birthday was a few days ago. #LeoSeason. I plan on doing something fun and chill this weekend. So turn up!

I turned the big 2.9. Yes, I’m a year away from 30. Sounds weird to say. I’m lucky though, blessed, whatever you want to call it. Some people didn’t and don’t make it to or past that age.

But all this ‘growing’ up has me to thinking… You guys know, I’m an over thinker. A DEEP thinker. I like to reflect on what I’ve learned this year, what failures and accomplishments I’ve made, and to share what I hope to achieve in the future. My main goal is to reach you. I want you to learn something from my experiences. Maybe it’ll make your situation better, same, hell, maybe even worse (I certainly hope not). But I want you to take something from this.

Shades: Forever21 + Necklace: Charming Charlies + Shirt: Avenue + Denim Vest: Burlington + Skirt: Society +

Although major changes have occurred, I’m a content fat girl. I’ve never been so at peace despite the chaos going on. It’s really shocking to me that I’ve grown so much that certain things that used to bother the hell out of me don’t even penetrate my shields. And that very fact, I’m proud of. I never thought I’d actually be the ‘Bigger Person’. I mean I’m still petty, haha, but for the most part, I literally swerve any stupidity, bad-mouthing, and non-productive situation that arises.

What I learned this year? Let that shit go. You have choices. You don’t have to partake in anything that you’re uncomfortable with. You are allowed to say ‘NO’.

I’m telling you that it’s a freeing experience.

Skirt: Society +

Perseverance, but remember to take it step by step. I’ve learned to slow it down sometimes, yet still keep it moving steady. As women (and men), we put a lot on our plate. It’s ok to not do something at that very moment. What’s the worst that can happen? Is it life or death? If not, be fluid and allow yourself to breathe and reflect. There’s nothing wrong with taking a moment to reevaluate and then tackle a problem. Even Superwomen needs to rewind.

And the biggest thing I learned and relearn every day is the importance of the company you keep. I can’t stress this enough… We have internet trolls, family members, besties, managers, and randoms constantly reaffirming our fears. You need people around you that will dream as you do. Because dreams are important. I always had people tell me to take my head out of the clouds and come back to reality. I believed them, and I was miserable. I liked dreaming! When I figured out that they were trying to mold and shape my outlook on the world and of myself then I had to start cutting and blocking people from my circle.

Then I started adding people whose energies were supportive and genuine and good. This change caused me to explore more, fear less, and dream as I had done before.  

I thought this was the cutest thing. He wanted to get in on the OOTD action.   

In retrospect, I’ve accomplished more than I ever dreamed I could. Again, I don’t get paid to blog. I make very little money modeling, and I just launched a self-published book mostly on credit card so I’m in the hole. But even with all that, I’m surrounded by people who are ok with going out for cheap food, that can make me laugh until I pee myself, and who add zest to my world.

Money is great. Being married is great. Being attractive is great. But experiences last a lifetime. That’s my goal for the rest of this year and my remaining years. To Experience life and what it has to offer. And I hope you do, too.

xo

Leah V.

I Posted a Picture in Front of the #BlackLivesMatter Wall and the Internet Went Crazy

I used to be the kind of style blogger who didn’t speak on issues out of fear of the repercussions of what ‘others’ might say. I was a ‘style’ blogger; no one wanted to hear what I had to say when it came to politics or religion. I should’ve been talking about the newest matte lippie or what I was wearing that weekend.

With age and wisdom, and basically not giving a fuck, I came to the conclusion that I had become like all the other bloggers. I was a fashionable shell. I had thoughts and worries about the world we lived in, but I never spoke on it. I kept quiet even though the issues myself and my people faced were reality.

In January, I took my social media and blog up a few notches. I rebranded myself as an anything-goes-blogger. Whatever came to my mind about feminism or self-image or blatant racism, I was going to speak about it while adding bomb ass photos to the mix.

Unapologetically.

In Detroit, there’s this amazing Black Lives Matter wall near Midtown that popped up last year after the string of police killings of unarmed Black males. Black Lives Matter is written hundreds of times in white letters and in different sizes.

While standing in front of this powerful wall of words, I found it to be the perfect moment to throw my fist in the air in support of #BlackLivesMatter. It was the fist that many of us stick up when we are trying to make a statement.

When we are trying to push for equality. When we are telling the world that Black Lives Do In Fact Matter!

Society +

I went home and looked over the pictures that Danni took and the one with my fist planted in the air was the perfect photo to post on Instagram and Facebook. I added a caption as well about us as a whole making so many strides towards equality but taking so many steps back simultaneously with the whole racial divide happening all over the world.

I posted it and for the most part a lot of different races were feeling the picture and throwing their fist emojis up. I had a few haters that I had to delete the comments of and block since they wanted to troll my page.

The next day, a popular body positive page reposted the picture with the original caption. It got a lot of hits. Lots of supportive people said that we needed to do better as a country and they were in full support of the message. Then one troll replied: “Blue Lives Matter…”

After that all the internet trolls flooded in with comments like what about Black on Black crime? And someone even said, “White Lives Matter!”

Then people started arguing under the photo. How does one photo of an African-American Muslim blogger standing behind a Black Lives Matter wall start all this ruckus?

Wardrobe: Society +

Why are people so turned off my support of #BlackLivesMatter? How many times do people have to say that this movement has nothing to do with Black supremacy?

Listen…in case you didn’t get the memo, it has nothing to do with us being better than anyone or being wronged more than another race. We are dealing with the issues at hand. Period. And if someone standing up for themselves or for humanity bothers you, then you need to check yourself, and not some hashtag or movement!

EVERYONE deserves freedom of speech. Freedom to walk the streets without being harassed by a cop. EVERYONE deserves to live life that isn’t in constant danger. EVERYONE deserves to be free.

I am Black. I am a woman. I am a Muslim. I am a triple minority. So I get it. Trust me. I have been picked over and belittled and mistreated because one or all three of the above. A lot of us have.

What I want for you, the reader, to get from this piece is that every movement isn’t a personal attack on your culture or religion. It isn’t an attack on cops or White people. It is a movement like all others to boost awareness, to help make a change in an unequal system, and to hopefully one day live in harmony amongst one another.

*Originally posted on Muslimgirl.com*

Fat Girl Style Guide: Color Blocking

Myth: Fat Girls Can't Wear Bright Colors or Color Block.

Why? Because it makes them look bigger or brings unwanted attention to their 'problem' areas.  

Photo: Danni Little

First of all, an area of your body is only a 'problem' if YOU make it one. If you decide that you do, in fact, have an area that you just absolutely hate, then my suggestion is to change it or learn to accept it.

We've got to rewire our minds and thinking about our body and how we view it. Also about fashion and style. Because rules are sometimes meant to be broken.

Color blocking is simple and basically utilizes two (or more) bright colors to contrast one another. So here, I have a white vest with a red skirt from Society+ 

Color blocking gives a clean, contemporary look with an edgy feel. And is a style technique that anyone can partake in, even fat gals and guys :)

Shades: Have H.I.P.S. + Turban: Flossy's Suitcase + Shirt: Wal-Mart

A lot of people ask me, as a stylist, how can the cover or hide a big stomach or flabby arms with clothes. I tell them that they can either wear black all day, every day. And that no amount or kind of clothing will 'cover' or 'hide' the parts they don't care for. 

And furthermore, why are we always trying to hide and conceal everything?!? Because when you take your clothes off, it's just going to all hang out there anyways. lol.

Shoes: Payless

I want all my fat fashionistas to choose some crazy, bright colors and try color blocking! Make sure you hashtag #LeahVDaily on Instagram so I can see how you rock it!

And don't forget to visit Society+ and check out all the cool new inventory!

Trois Soeurs: West African Accessories

The power of the internet.

As a blogger, I’m still baffled that people come up to me or message me about how much they love my blog, can dig what I’m doing, and they can actually quote what I wrote in my latest post. All I can do is smile from ear to ear. People actually read the words that I write! Plus, with the power of social media, I’ve been able to reach people in different countries and even locally that I would’ve never known otherwise. Such a great resource.

Moody Blues Set

I get a message through Instagram from Marcy (pictured above and she took all the dope photos). She tells me that she gets what I’m doing and that she has a few custom pieces made in West Africa that she wanted to show me. So let’s do coffee. Cool with me. You guys know that I can be a friendly person. Umm. Sometimes. LOL.

We set a date and met. She told me that she traveled back and forth from Benin to Michigan with handmade cuffs, earrings, and necklaces to sale.

“These beautiful earrings were handmade by Kastro in her workshop in Benin. She wraps ankara wax print cloth over framework to create a unique set of accessories. Every pair sold provides 1.5 hours of tutoring to a child in need through our TS Education Fund,” says Marcy.

Handmade Raffia Earrings by Sikart

So I love Trois Soeurs for several reasons. They have some dope, quality pieces that will set you apart from the other fashionistas (I’m obsessed with African Print!) We know the individual who is creating and crafting each item (providing ethical and safe work). And lastly, the money is going to a good cause: education for children in Benin.

Moody Blues Set

We are doing a GIVEAWAY!!!

Two lucky winners will win either the earrings or the cuff:

<Rules>

1.      Follow @Lvernon2000 and @troissoeursbenin on Instagram

2.      Tell us how you’d rock the earrings or the bangles under the blog post (be creative!)

3.      Two (2) winners will be picked at random on Sunday the 24th of July 2016 (noon EST) and have the items shipped to their residence within ten (10) of the contest’s end.  

*Winners have twenty-four (24) hours to claim their prize and send appropriate information for claim and shipping of prizes. After twenty-four (24) hours, the next winner will be chosen. So keep your eyes peeled. Lol.  

***Update*** Having technical issues with my website. So, in order to enter to win one of the pieces of jewelry go to @troissoeursbenin on Instagram and comment under my photo. And the contest is extended to Sunday, July 24th at noon EST!

Wax Print Teardrop Earrings are up for grabs!!!

Wax Print Bangles up for grabs!!!

Pictured above are the items we are giving away. Don't wait! These beauties can be YOURS! Can't wait to see your responses.

And don't forget to check out TROIS SOEURS on social media and shop:  

https://www.instagram.com/troissoeursbenin/

https://www.facebook.com/TroisSoeursThreeSisters/

http://www.troissoeurs.org/

Naturally Flyy Detroit

This is my 2nd year being asked by Naturally Flyy Detroit to run not one—but two ‘Headwrap’ workshops at their annual Naturally Flyy Detroit Presents: A Natural Hair Experience.

All photos taken by Madinah M.

I’ve always seen Etta and Jenn (the founders of Naturally Flyy Detroit) around the city at different cool events and their aura, their energy is none less than can be described as pure radiance. They’re the kind of Black, Amazonian queens that you just have to meet in person to bask in their sisterly glory.

So when they asked me to participate, I said ‘yes’ on the spot.

I get asked to endorse a lot of the things. But I think in these days and times, it’s important to ‘believe’ in what you’re endorsing. And as you gals (and guys) know, I have to believe in what I endorse. It’s gotta have that ‘umph’ factor that I’m looking for when collaborating with anyone, really.

Why I rock with the Naturally Flyy Movement? Well, it’s a dope and unapologetic movement for not just Black women, but ALL women to be just as Flyy as they want to be, in whatever shape or form.

In the age of everything is cut, snipped, and lightened, we ARE hungry for change and enlightenment.

And they bring it. 

There’s this old-school notion that sistahs can’t get together to support one another. And at one point, I believed it. It was always that one (or in my case, many) Black females who didn’t ‘like’ me or thought I was ‘doing too much’ because I’m confident in who I am and could care less about the thoughts of others.

They believed I should’ve conformed to the normalcy which is society.

#TellHimBoyBye

When my friend and I were invited to the 1st Naturally Flyy event, all that changed. As I walked through the very crowded corridors of Java City with my huge colorful turban on, I got smiling faces and bright eyes.

They screamed, ‘Yaaaaassss, queen,” “Lookin good, girl,” and “Tell me how you wrapped that turban!”

And They embraced me with hugs and kisses. Love.

Posing with Naturalista/Blogger: Naturally Act

That is #BlackGirlMagic people.

Uplifting. Encouraging. Smiling at another beautiful queen. 

Smiles are infectious...

Naturally Flyy just isn’t a natural hair movement. Oh, it is SO much more. It’s an open forum, it’s a community, and it’s love.

They embody empowerment, female entrepreneurship, and sisterhood. 

Keep on rockin’ Etta and Jenn.

The world needs more people like yall in it.

Let's talk about these accessories for a moment. The bracelets and earrings are courtesy of Trois Soeurs : Three Sisters a socially conscious brand working with artisans in West Africa & funding tutors for kids in need. www.troissoeurs.org/shop-1/natural-coconut-earrings

Check them out! They have some dope pieces for modest prices and I will be doing a giveaway with them soon.

Follow me on the Gram! @Lvernon2000

Wardrobe Breakdown:

Turban: Flossy's Suitcase

Shades: Alley & Eye

Jumpsuit and Vest: Target

Shirt: Forever 21

Sandals: Payless

Natural Makeup Tips For Girls With Melanin

Oh, how I love makeup. I just went to Sephora yesterday and almost had a heart attack because all of the pretty colors and lippie samples. I touched and sampled...everything. It's been a tough ass week. And I deserved it. Spending money that I don't really have. But guess what?! Don't judge me.

So I want to chat about skin and makeup application and my regimen for my caramel complexion. In these sets of photos my MUA, Madinah M., gave me a natural, everyday look. And everything that I know about cosmetics comes from her. So pay attention:

If you don't have eyebrows like me, lol, then you'll have to fill those bad boys in with a pencil. I suggest using shades of brown depending on your complexion. I use Wet'n'Wild in dark brown. Black pencils are waaaaaay too harsh. Don't do it! After you fill them in, use a spoolie (basically, a clean mascara wand) to blend.

After the brows you can do a simple wing line. And there's really no simple way to do a wing line. I'm still struggling. But there are many, many makeup tutorials on YouTube that will help ya out. I like to use the eyeliner pen with the felt tip by Stila. Better precision. Plus perfection takes practice, people! So if you end up looking like a raccoon, at least you can say you tried. Tip: less is always more. Haha

Next, you can do some false lashes if your feeling pizzazz-y.

Get some foundation. I like Estee Lauder Double-Wear Liquid Foundation. It's nice and sheer. Not too much for a natural makeup look. I dab it all over my face in dots then use this soft synthetic foundation brush to blend the shit out of it.

Please. Please. Get the right color foundation. Don't be out here with an ashy lookin' face. Don't know your correct color? Try at least three different shades. The one that blends into your skin seamlessly is the right color. The ones that look ashy is too light and the ones that make you look several shades darker than your real skin tone is too dark.   

Apply a little blush. You'll need two soft, angled brushes. One for the light one and one for the dark one (M.A.C.). The peach toned blush (Klean Colour), I placed on top and then the darker one, I placed on the bottom (for a little contour action). Stroke at an angle, blending towards your side burn.

Apply some gloss or a matte cream lippie. The nude gloss I'm wearing is Milani Bare Secret.

Boom! There you have it. A natural, yet beat face to the Gawds. Hope you enjoyed my little makeup tips for girls with some melanin.

For more makeup and fashion looks follow us: Madinah and Leah V. on the Instagram!

How to Rock a Plus-Size Tutu Like a Boss

I have a vision board that I created with my friend a few years ago...three to be exact. It sits on my black dresser right behind my mirror. It's a staple, just sitting there reminding me of what I should be dreaming of every single day. It's a reminder that I CAN be whatever it is that I want to be. It's a reminder that I should strive for those goals every day. A few times, I fell away from life and I went back to the board and just read the quotes and glared at the pictures of plus models that I'd pasted on it.

When I was making the board, I thought it was only fun to cut out the pictures from the magazines and play in glitter. Three years later (and a whole lotta' shit), the things on the board has come into fruition. Whoa!

One of them was to model for a company out of state.  

We all know Jessica Kane. If you don't know, get to know her. She's a model, body pos advocate, businesslady, and mommy! She's also a great friend and a visionary...I'll tell you why shortly.

I know, your probably like, ALL bloggers do this. They work with a company and make us care but they only want sales! Let me tell you this, I'm not a TYPICAL blogger. I'm an artist first and foremost. I like quality just as much as you guys do and I've turned down countless projects because it didn't align with my brand or my community.

As you all know, I'm Muslim and I'm black. I come from the ghetto's of Detroit. Right? Cool. A lot of companies don't want to bother with me because I can't show my body. Yada yada yada. And me being Muslim is an issue for some. I'm waaaay too 'Out of the Box' for some so they'd rather work with other bloggers. I get it. It's safe not utilize me. You either get me or you don't.

Jess took a chance on me. She allowed me to be myself. Encouraged me to be different. And for that, she's got a fan for life.

So Society+ got in touch with me. I'm like waaaaaaaa! Someone gets me. Someone likes me and trusts me with their clothes. Man, I felt super accomplished. They sent me a few pieces and I'm like yaaaaas. This shit is on point. The clothes are great quality, true to size, and not too expensive. And the tutus... They are thick and full.

I did an entire shoot Downtown Detroit with Reel Clever Films and my little crew as we changed right in the middle of the street into four other outfits. It was fast-paced, fun, and tiring, and lovely. Lol. We got these great shots of the caged top (also from Society+) and the olive tutu.

Rock the TUTU! Why? Cuz it's super cute and feminine.

Wardrobe Breakdown:

Society+: Caged Crop Top and Tutu (Purchase here!)

Purse: TJ Maxx

Accessories: Forever 21

Shoes + Legging: Torrid  

Undershirt: My own

Fat Girl Guide: Affordable Shopping

Person: Ohmageeerd, Leah V. you must have so much money because you always look so fly. Me: *Side-eye*

Not sure how many style/fashion bloggers get this but We. Are. Not. Rich. A lot of us fund our own shopping obsessions. Haha. And if you are a blogger who is rich. Kudos. Keep doing you boo boo!  

Anyways, style doesn't necessarily equate to having lots of money. *Clears throat* Let me repeat this again. Some people think because they have all the designer clothes and bags and nails and lashes that it automatically makes them fashionable. Nope.  

Rolling in dough doesn't mean that you are stylish. The most stylish people that I've met are people who are creative, thinks outside the box, and aren't apologetic about what they wear or where they get it from. Before thrifting became the 'IN' thing to do, there were tons of people going through those old racks of clothes at the Salvation Army and rocking that shit like it was no tomorrow.   

The long shirt $24.99 (Ashley Stewart) and necklace $10 (Charming Charlie's) are both clearance items.

1. BE A CLEARANCE RACK QUEEN

Don't be embarrassed. Walk right in the clothing store and bypass all the pretty mannequins and head straight to that crazy looking rack with items of random clothes hanging off it. You have made it to the clearance section, where you will dig through all the 'out-of-season' items to find a gem.

And listen. You can't be lazy when it comes to searching the clearance rack. You've got to be patient and dig in if you really want a deal. I'd say about 90% of the time, I find at least one thing I love.   

 *Also applies to online shopping. Hit the clearance tab on your fave website.

Long open vest on clearance $16.49 (Target) and floral leggings are from Torrid using a coupon.

2. Combine Purchases with Coupons

Lots of stores have rewards programs, haute cash (where you buy a certain amount and get credit on your next purchase), and of course, coupons. When they ask for your email or address, give it to em! Not only will they keep you updated on new shipments, but once in a while a nice little coupon comes along with the advertisement. Those will help keep down the cost of your purchases. Now, I try to shop at only the places I have coupons for. Of course, sometimes, you will have to buy something for a special occasion and not have a coupon, but for the majority of your shopping, try to do it this way in order to save every valuable dollar.

Tip: Put on a puppy dog face and ask the cashier if they have any coupons behind the counter. Sometimes, it works.

Sweater (Kmart) Nicki Minaj Collection $10.99 on clearance.

3. Thrift Stores and Consignment Shops

Check out your local vintage, thrift, and consignment shops. Basically, these clothes have been worn by other people. They've either donated the clothes or are lending them to be resold.

Tip 1: Be careful with clothes worn by other people. My advice is to thoroughly check over resale items then wash them at once after you've purchased.

Tip 2: Not all resale shops are alike. I've been to some pretty bad ones and then I've been to some really nice ones. Check them all out and see which one is the best fit for you.

Tip 3: See something you like, but maybe a button is missing or it's too big or small? Buy and repurpose it. Get creative people!  

Boots are borrowed and so is the bracelet!

Photo: Frankie Fultz

4. Borrowing

On most of my shoots, I have borrowed at least one item from a friend. Didn't have the money, but I had a shoot. You have to do what ya gotta' do. And, frankly, I'm not even ashamed to admit it. By looking at these photos, you wouldn't even know that fact. We all have that friend or family member that has all the cool stuff. You may not have the means but still want to look cute and feel good. Go borrow!

And make sure you return it clean and unscathed. It's nothing worst than a person who borrows your shit then messes it up.You break. You buy... 

Everything I have on in this photo is clearance or inexpensive.

Photo: Reel Clever Films

5. Invest in Your Clothes Wisely

Don't buy things just to say you have it or to show off. I see girls all the time with every designer label known to mankind on their bodies, walking around with a chip on their shoulder. And it's usually the worst outfit ever. Wear what you want because you like it, it fits your budget, and it makes you feel good.

By no means, am I saying to not spend money on quality clothes. Because, every once in a while, we will splurge. But just make sure you aren't breaking the bank to buy that Michael Kors dress at Saks.

Let's keep the conversation going: What's the best item you've found at a thrift store or on clearance? What's you best or worst splurge item?

The Selfie: What's So Wrong About Being Confident?

I take quite a bit of selfies. You have to take at least 10 pictures to get that perfect one with the right light and angle. I love taking them, especially when I get my face beat. The excitement is real. Too real. Most of the time, I take mine outside or on the way to an event. Usually, people are around. Now, mind you, I don't really pay attention to people who glance or even shoot me a little smile and then goes back to their business, but it's the haters that stand there and grimace and stare the entire time I'm doing it.

Umm, ahem. *Clears throat* Do you mind? A little privacy while I capture this moment of contoured elation.

There was this one time, I was taking selfies at a networking event with some friends. On each floor, we took pictures because the light said NOT TODAY! There was this couple who was watching us the whole time. You know me, I'm a nice lady, but I keep it moving. On the last floor, their hate finally erupted. "Are you guys gonna take selfies on every floor?"

The face people make when they are uncomfortable with a fat, Black, Muslim girl taking selfies.

I've had four years of therapy to get my mind and mouth right...after I snapped out of all types of angry Black woman stereotypes, I finally gave an acceptable answer. I smiled then said, "Yes, we are."

What I really wanted to say was the following: Why you all up in mine? Mind yo bizness! And lastly, why are you so bothered?!?! 

So I threw up the deuces and continued with life.

But this isn't the first time that I've taken pictures of selfies in public and got weird stares. I'd really like to know, why are these people so bothered with what I'm doing? I'm not carrying an ax or performing street tricks, I'm either modeling or taking a picture of myself at a moment where I feel good and confident. And I want to share that moment with other people, or my friends, or keep it tucked away for myself on those low days. The days when I need reminding that I AM beautiful, no matter what.  

I believe that some are angry at the things that they themselves won't allow themselves to do. So when they see me taking selfies, being unapologetic about the way I look and feel, it angers them. I also think that some people feel like taking selfies is for the vain and arrogant. Now, I can't speak for others, but that's definitely not the case for me.

Why does this make people feel uncomfortable?

Selfies are supposed to be empowering. Not this evil act that people do to annoy others. I've had a few people who never took selfies before in their life take some and tag me. What I saw were bigger smiles, chins lifted higher, and that slick glow of confidence that I live for. What's so wrong about that? Want us to walk around like unfabulous zombies? Nah. Aint happening this way. 

And this isn't just a selfie thing, it's an epidemic of people being uncomfortable with you owning it: your life, your circle, and yourself. Yes, I'm fat and I look damn good and sometimes I don't, but most of the time I do! Haha.

I have the right to be confident in my skin and in my clothes. I can strut whenever I want. I can speak with authority if I want. No, I don't think I'm better than you or anyone else, but I make decisions for me that are going to make me happy (including selfies!!!). And if you don't like it then that, my friend, is a personal problem. And I hope that you can get some help for that.

Yonce' says it better. "I ain't sorry. N****, Hell nah!"   

Let's keep the conversation going: How do you feel about selfies? Yay or nay? 

And don't forget to follow my fashion shenanigans on IG @Lvernon2000 or on Snapchat @ LeahVDaily